I have written of David and his anger before, and my struggles with trying to be present with him even in the midst of his aggravation. Conversations with him about prayer has indeed opened a way to less hostile ground, and he is even accepting Communion now. When I saw him this week he had just returned from the hospital, and it seemed to mean something to him that our Communion meal was his first after his hospital stay.
I think David realizes that he has been starving himself on his steady diet of anger. He is more approachable now, and perhaps he even understands that his complicated disease is not the fault of the staff who are trying to tend to him. I am sure he worries that his symptoms may become even more debilitating, leaving him even more dependent on the mere mortals around him. It is a rough journey that he is on, but I believe he is being healed into the life he has today which to me is true healing. Such a journey takes a courageous amount of acceptance, but I sense Jesus' presence as David takes up that cross. He is undergoing a mighty conversion to vulnerability. I pray that he can continue to find the sustenance he needs in a bland diet of a Communion wafer dipped in water as those around him do their best to stand with him in the storm.
Most of us have very little practice in being appropriately vulnerable. When we do open up a little to God and to one another, relationship that is real and resilient starts to take shape. We don't invest so much energy in keeping the proverbial 'still upper lip.' Honesty, tenderness, and vulnerability go hand in hand - three qualities that are much needed in living with illness.
Mary C. Earle
Beginning Again, Benedictine Wisdom for Living with Illness
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