In this morning's dream a friend and I somehow managed to get locked in a BART station at night. In the dream I never see this friend clearly, but I know we arrived at the station together. I do not know where we had been or where we wanted to go. I do not know how we came to be in such a predicament, but we were quite anxious about it. We kept looking for an exit, but all were locked. I looked out of one barred exit and could see a man on the steps, appearing to be sleeping. I called out, but my voice could not rouse him. At that point I did not know where my friend was. Do I look for her or do I continue to look for an exit? My anxiety increased. I then saw a young woman walking on the street above. I called out to her, asking for help. She came down the short flight of stairs and walked through a side door. At that moment I did not think about how she had walked through a door that I thought was locked, but I did walk up the stairs with her and thanked her for her help. Grateful to be outside, I thought I would simply go on my way, but I then remembered that I did know where my friend was. I went back down the short flight of stairs past the man who still had not awakened. As I walked through the door, I realized that in the brief amount of time when I was outside, a small cafe had been set up, and people were eating and having their morning coffee. Others were going down another set of stairs to get to the trains that would take them to their destinations. It was then that I realized that I had been worrying over nothing. All I really needed to do was patiently wait for the dawn. I then woke up.
In a recent post, recording artist Carrie Newcomer mentioned a beautiful Quaker phrase: "Proceed as the way opens." This dream is a good example of the frustration and anxiety that occurs when that wise way of discerning is ignored. Most of us at one time or another have felt trapped in what feels like a tomb with no way out. In those times, it can be hard to trust. We think surely there must be something we can do to allow a quick exit. Sometimes yes, that is possible. However, usually not. This is one of the lessons of Holy Week. Jesus did not fly up that hill and soar to resurrection. He had to go, step by step. This is also a great lesson of meditation. We sit in silence, knowing breath by breath we must do the same. There is no shorter route, however uncomfortable we may be.
This dream was pretty much devoid of color, but what does stand out is that the young woman was wearing a white shirt. This morning I think of a white flag. She moved easily in the dream in a way I could not. I do not think she had any trouble surrendering to my plea for help. I think this is some of what this dream is about. Learning to surrender when the way is not yet known, and surrendering to it when it is.
Abandonment contains in itself pure faith, hope, and love.
Jean-Pierre de Caussade
Image: San Leandro, 2014. This is one of my earlier images. I want a photograph of white that had no other color. Not easy to find on my camera roll!
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