Monday, April 29, 2024

A Moon and a Prayer

 A few nights ago I dreamed that I looked up into the night sky, and saw that the moon was square, looking like a slice of Wonder Bread. Even in the dream I am surprised. I woke and went to our small window at the head of the stairs, and peered out, just to be sure there had been no discernable shifts in our celestial universe. Fortunately, the moon appeared to still be round, although her waning gibbous phase made her look a little soft and squishy. While I did not really expect a square moon, I was relieved nonetheless. I realized that while I cherish the moon that always surprises me with her beauty, I still take comfort in her predictable journey.  

I do not know what this dream of a square moon signifies, but it does remind me that there is often a fine line between what we see and what we dream. Actually, I think our dreams, like our prayers and art, are a form of vision, and can be windows into our lives and psyches. 
Facebook has reminded me that on the first Sunday in May of 2018, I began my time as Associate Pastor of the San Lorenzo Church. In the fall of 2017, Rev. Annette Cook asked me if I would be her sabbatical replacement. I immediately said yes, and then almost as quickly wanted to say no. I had covered for other pastors during sabbaticals and medical leaves. Yet, Annette's highly organized system of doing things intimidated me. However, I talked about my concerns to the Associate Pastor at the time, Rev. Candace Frawley, and she assured me that we could work through any challenges together. I also knew that just a short time before, I had confided to God my weariness. I was tired of driving a thousand miles a month for SpiritCare. I remember very clearly telling God that it was time for me to come home. I may not have known exactly what that meant, but to say no to this invitation just felt wrong. I accepted.  

Yes, there were times when I bumped along and frustrated the heck out of the office manager and probably everyone else, but in the process I fell in love with the people. When Annette's sabbatical came to an end, I was sad. However, I knew I had to depart. Sabbatical replacements just can't hang around after sabbaticals end. Yet, the way would be made known for me to return. God was still listening to my yearnings and my prayers, and my way home was revealed. I am grateful. 
  
Holy One, I thank you that you and others listen less to my fears, and more to my heart. I thank you that the moon is still round, and that we of the San Lorenzo Community Church still gather to sing, to pray, to laugh, and sometimes cry. May we always be willing to peer through the windows of our hearts, and see your wonderous world unfold. And please continue to remind me that a pastor seldom has to work through things alone.   
      


   
image: camellia, April, 2023 

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Ridges, Valleys, and Wallows

 Last weekend Tyler and I took a short camping trip. Our first stop was outside of Pt. Arena on the north coast. Tyler was following some back roads that Google maps had directed us to. The drive was beautiful, even soothing, and when we arrived at the coastline, the view, of course, was vast and stunning. The traffic was surprisingly light; I would even dare to say easy going. Our intention was to attend an art fair the next day. The campsite, located on a ridge outside of town and privately owned, was quiet, and we both appreciated the view. Although the fog did eventually roll in, the weather was mild. In the morning we heard peacocks, crows, owls, and several other birds who had much to say about the beginning of the day. Two deer walked into the clearing where we were camped, and they seemed surprised to find us there, and were not particularly comfortable with our presence. Deer are wisely wary, and these two had upright and surprisingly large and agile ears that appeared to be always listening. The size of the ears leads me to think these were mule deer. 

We arrived at the art fair a little early, and we walked along the couple of blocks of Pt. Arena's main street where the fair was being set up. Most of the residents seemed to be in good spirits as the annual event was getting underway. However, we really did not see anything that we found particularly interesting, with the exception of some succulents one woman was selling. She said she grows them herself, and I am a little sorry I did not pick one up. The weather was mild enough that it would have probably made it home. However, we are definitely in a "no more stuff" stage of life. We decided to leave town earlier than expected and drive on to Boonville, where again, we had reservations to camp on private property. Tyler opted to take the winding Mountain Blvd. route, a journey of about an hour, mostly through forested areas. 

Tyler and I are of a different mind when it comes to forests. He finds healing when he is among those tall beings and their long shadows. I tend to get a little claustrophobic. It is not that I do not love trees; it's just that I prefer them to be a little more spread out. Too much shadow and density feels slightly menacing, and  whenever we come to a clearing, however briefly, I find I breathe a little easier.  

As we journeyed, Tyler looked at the map and announced, "We are crossing Bear Wallow Creek." My own deerish ears came to attention. "There are bears here? We don't have a bear box to store our food!"  I thought he seemed remarkably unconcerned. As we travelled on, I realized that while we have driven through Anderson Valley many times, I knew nothing about the mountains that surround the valley. (I also did not know that bears like to wallow.) When we met the property owner of our campsite, I asked if he had ever seen a bear on his property. He replied no, only boars. We saw neither bear nor boar while we were there, but when we took a walk on Sunday morning, we came across an uneven area where wild pigs had been rooting. As I walked across it, I wondered if there was not some benefit (other than to the pigs) in the resulting upheaval. I looked down as my footing was unsteady, and in the early sunlight, I could see many small spider webs that were spread across the areas that had been ripped apart. The dew was heavy that morning, so the webs were adorned with glistening drops that looked like tiny jewels. Suddenly, I felt I was the invading marauder as I became aware of my alien hiking boots and pole. 

The Anderson Valley was stunning. While the drought had obviously killed some trees, we saw many healthy large trees, including live oak. Grass and wildflowers were growing everywhere and the day temperature was moderate, although the night was chilly, and the morning dew was very heavy.  At one point I stepped out of the camper in the early morning just as the almost full moon was setting.  Stars were clearly visible in the very dark sky, and the bright moon was vanishing behind a layer of fog that had turned a deep pinkish orange - a startling contrast and an exquisite sight. Our time there was idyllic; for a while we had no thoughts of politicians, climate change, or bay area traffic. We had to do nothing but enjoy tending to our camp and relishing what we were seeing and experiencing. 

When we arrived at the property, it took awhile to find it as we had to navigate another winding road up into the Yorkville Highlands. Eventually, we were able to reach the property owner who guided us to where we needed to be. He asked if we wanted to camp by the creek or on the ridge. Tyler was leaning towards the creek option, but I was concerned that it would be damp and shadowy. He agreed, and the ridge was beautiful. Our Sunday morning  was filled with a choir of birdsong, including, yes, the sound of peacocks. 

 I took very few photographs on this trip because I was experiencing some issues with keeping my phone charged. It is also not an easy area to photograph. There is a lot of fencing present, probably to deter deer, boars, and maybe the occasional bear. Yes, there are bears in Mendocino County.  The large predators have not fared well as farms, towns, and vineyards became more prevalent, but I read they may be making a comeback. The perpetual question is how do we humans live in balance with wildlife that also includes other large predators beside ourselves? We humans may need to realize that no matter how settled we might feel, we are all just temporarily camping here. 
 
We are enjoying our truck because it gives us some freedom to explore which was exactly what we were hoping for. We are very much aware of the serious issues concerning fossil fuels, so we try to offset our consumption at least a little bit by driving an electric vehicle when possible, composting and recycling, tending to a pollinator friendly garden, and paying attention to packaging. We are describing these first short camping expeditions as practicing. We are learning what we need, and the most economical, both from a practical standpoint as well as environmental, way to pack it. We have always travelled well together, mostly because we usually listen to one another, and that usually enables us to find compromises that allow wisdom to surface. We both are curious and respectful of the flora and fauna and we recognize that they are the true residents of the land. I feel these journeys to be a deep calling to simply go,  see, and reflect. I am convinced that we first world humans need to experience more of nature, rather than just trying to conquer it.  Such explorations may help us learn the fine art of appreciation, which hopefully will lead us to more deeply rooted conservation efforts.
 

We rely on GoogleMaps and a backup of a paper map, although I forgot the paper map this time. Fortunately, we did not need it. Yes, we were relatively close to home, but I find paper maps helpful and informative, and cell coverage can be spotty. Our reservations were booked through an app Tyler discovered called Hipcamp, which worked flawlessly for us, and we will use it again.    
       
 


  
image: View from our campsite in the Yorkville Highlands. I cropped the image to make the file size a little more manageable. The actual view is much more vast, despite the fencing. Anderson Valley gets very hot in the summer. Go now if you can! 

 

Friday, April 19, 2024

Just a Note

 In the dream I am waking only to realize that I had slept through a math class. I then deduce that the math class will never be completed. I move to a courtyard and there a woman asks me, "Have you graduated yet?" I tell her that I think I have a degree, but I am not sure. I decide to go see the registrar. 

I then go into an office and I explain why I am there. She looks at her computer and replies, "Well, you need to take a day class of Tai Chi and learn the Funky Chicken." I ask rather incredulously, "The one where you flap your arms around?"  She assured me my understanding was correct. She then adds, "And one more thing..." Alas, then I woke up. This is at least the second time I have received this open ended message, but I have yet to hear what that one more thing is. Maybe one more thing is ongoing?

In a few hours Tyler and I will leave for what I am calling, "a short jaunt up the coast". I love the word jaunt. Thank you for helping me remember the dream. Actually, I think one of the great gifts of friendships is that we help each other remember who we really are.   
 Now I am wondering if you do the Funky Chicken but no one sees you, does it still count?  I start physical therapy on Monday. Maybe I should wait until then to begin my training. For now, I think I probably need to simply tend to my travel preparations. 




     
   
image is from a walk this week. This is part of a very large plant. The branches are so large and heavy that they are falling over onto the sidewalk.  This is quite a spring. Even some of my own irises are blooming!

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

In a Midwest State of Mind

This is one of the most beautiful poems I have read in a while. As soon as I read it, I thought, "This is the voice of a Midwesterner."  I was correct. Ted Koosner was born in Ames, Iowa in 1939, and was one the first poet laureates from the Great Plains. Although I have been in Oklahoma which I believe is the bottom of the Great Plains, I have never seen the Great Plains themselves. However, they do make themselves known as they speak through tornados, poets, and I would think also canned tomatoes.  
May we never take this diverse land for granted. There looks to me to be a typo in the fourth line, but I looked at three sources and they all read the same. Maybe Midwesterners are trickier than they have led the rest of us to believe, or maybe we rely too much on cut and paste. Regardless, this is a poem of love and it makes me happy.
     
"Mother"  
    
Mid April already, and the wild plums
bloom at the roadside, a lacy white
against the exuberant, jubilant green
of new grass an the dusty, fading black
of burned-out ditches. No leaves, not yet,
only the delicate, star-petaled
blossoms, sweet with their timeless perfume.

You have been gone a month today
and have missed three rains and one nightlong
watch for tornadoes. I sat in the cellar
from six to eight while fat spring clouds
went somersaulting, rumbling east. Then it poured,
a storm that walked on legs of lightning,
dragging its shaggy belly over the fields.

The meadowlarks are back, and the finches
are turning from green to gold. Those same
two geese have come to the pond again this year,
honking in over the trees and splashing down.
They never nest, but stay a week or two
then leave. The peonies are up, the red sprouts
burning in circles like birthday candles,

for this is the month of my birth, as you know,
the best month to be born in, thanks to you,
everything ready to burst with living.
There will be no more new flannel nightshirts
sewn on your old black Singer, no birthday card
addressed in a shaky but businesslike hand.
You asked me if I would be sad when it happened

and I am sad. But the iris I moved from your house
now hold in the dusty dry fists of their roots
green knives and forks as if waiting for dinner,
as if spring were a feast. I thank you for that.
Were it not for the way you taught me to look
at the world, to see the life at play in everything,
I would have to be lonely forever.

~ Ted Kooser




   
image: Not from the Midwest, but from my neighborhood this afternoon. These iris blossoms were the largest I think I have ever seen. Here in our neighborhood it seems to be a very good year for iris. That must surely mean this is a good season for us all.   

  

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Learning to Journey Through the Seen and the Unseen

 In a previous post, I mentioned that one day I hope to see a bighorn sheep. The quest began years ago during a trip through Yosemite and down into part of the Eastern Sierras. As we passed through Yosemite, all who travelled in a vehicle passed by a windowed kiosk with a ranger inside. I suppose he was passing out a brochure with a general map; my memory here is not at all clear. However, what is clear is that we all received a warning, and what I heard was "Watch out for big orange sheep." After we passed through, I asked Tyler about this creature that I had never heard of but was already beginning to loom large in my imagination. He replied, "Bighorn sheep. Horn, not orange." We both laughed and comismerated with a ranger who had to repeat the same phrase over and over as travellers passed through, receiving a map they may never use.   

As often as we could, we looked upward, but we never did see a bighorn, orange or otherwise. However, the orange sheep took on mythic proportions and became part of our travels, as a symbol of a delightful, but unattainable goal. Last year when we journeyed to Joshua Tree, I thought we might see a bighorn there, but again, the creature was not to be seen. As we began our return trip to Desert Hot Springs where we were staying, I just had to stop at the gift shop. There I found a nice grey hooded sweatshirt that had a small image on the left front of the chest - a nice drawing in black ink of a road that leads to a mountain, and above the mountain are two male bighorn sheep, heads colliding in the quest to prove their prowess. In the spirit of supporting our national parks and my love of grey zippered sweatshirts and of gift shops, I bought the jacket that I found to be so discreet.  
However, it was not until I reached our car did I look at the back of the jacket. At that moment I realized that the back was not nearly as subtle. There I found an image of a really large bighorn, and on its body was the same image that was on the front, only much bigger and done in several more or less desert colors. For a moment I thought of returning the jacket, but I decided not to. Why? Well, to return it just did not seem to be in the spirit of supporting the national parks. In addition, it would remind me of Joshua Tree, an area I had grown to like very much. It would certainly remind me of our trip, which I was enjoying. Why, the jacket just might even be a reminder to maybe look at things a little more closely. It has proven to be a conversation starter of sorts, one that often begins with "What is that thing on your back?" I usually forget about it until that question comes up, and more than once I have jumped to the conclusion that a large spider had hitched a ride with me.  
I am reading once again a book that has stayed with me for many years: The Snow Leopard by Peter Matthiessen. First published in 1976, my copy was published in 1987. It is the story of the difficult journey that he and field biologist George Schaller undertook to study the snow leopard in Nepal. Such a goal meant a long trek of traversing on foot high passes in the Himalayas in both rain and snow. 
It is known that the favorite fare of snow leopards is the Himalayan blue sheep, also known as bharal. When I read that, I became concerned that I would become possessed about seeing yet another elusive sheep, blue no less, but that is not the case. As much as I love tales of the Himalayas, I shall stay focused on a sheep that I just might be able to spot without a passport. 
If I am remembering correctly, on this particular journey of Mattheissen's, not one snow leopard was ever seen. I think this memory is what has kept the story alive for me all these years. We humans undertake all kinds of journeys, and the Western mind can easily get caught up in the duality of declaring a journey a success or non-success. I remember reading the last page of the book, surprised that I had just read 321 pages about the quest to see a creature that never appeared. Yet, Matthiessen was a student of Zen Buddhism, and he was a great chronicler of the subtle "in between". I did not realize it at the time, but I think he was one of my early teachers. I am grateful to return to this book once more. 
          
       
The typical snow leopard has pale frosty eyes and a coat of pale misty grey, with black rosettes that are clouded by the depth of rich fur. An adult rarely weighs more than a hundred pounds or exceeds six feet in length, including the remarkable long tail, thick to the tip, used presumably for balance and for warmth, but it kills creatures three times its own size without much difficulty (page 153)."
   
When this book was written not much more about this predator was known. I pray they have been able to stay at least somewhat elusive. The world is encroaching on too many of the beautiful creatures. They need the space of the mystery of the unknown (to us) to survive, and so do we.